


when the days are cold

by awkwardsneakers



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Cuddling, Depression, Inner Demons, M/M, No Smut, cute and romantic, i didn't want you to hate me, i'm just going to warn you I don't know how to tag, i'm sorry i don't know how to write it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 14:11:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3071075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardsneakers/pseuds/awkwardsneakers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis can't help but listen to the voices inside his head.<br/>Harry just wants Louis to know he loves him.</p>
<p>This is for the Winter Holiday challenge. My three things were mental health issues, Jealous/Protective/Clingy and fireplace cuddleing.</p>
<p>This is my first fic, please don't hate it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when the days are cold

Louis is pacing in front of the fire, heart pounding and thoughts racing. He glances at the mantle again. 2:34, exactly 2 minutes since the last time he checked. Harry’s shift at the bar ended over an hour ago. _He’s out having fun with someone better than you,_ the menace in the back of Louis’ head tells him. He shakes his head to get rid of the thought but it doesn’t work. Squeezing his eyes shut, Louis collapses into the fetal position. _I’m surprised he hasn’t left you yet. I’m surprised he wanted you in the first place. You’re pathetic. Harry deserves so much better than you. He belongs with the stars and you belong in the ground._

“No, no, no,” Louis whispers to himself, trying to return to normal. He remembers the speech Harry told him to recite. “Nothing my demons say are true. They’re lying to me because my brain is chemically unbalanced. Harry Edward Styles is in love with me. He’s never going to leave me unless I want-“. Louis stops when he hears keys in the door.

“Louis?” Harry questions upon seeing his boyfriend of 3 years on the floor. “Oh, Louis! Oh, I’m so sorry baby.” He rushes to Louis’ side and cradles him in his arms. “Hey baby, shhh, I’m right here baby, you’re okay, shhh, relax for me okay?” Harry says between peppering kisses all over Louis’ face.

“You’re over an hour late. I thought-“

“I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry. Me and Ed went out for a bite. I was starving and I forgot to call you. I’m so sorry.” _He doesn’t even care about you enough to think about you._

“You forgot about me?” Tears start to well up in Louis’ eyes.

“No, never. I just didn’t remember you were waiting for me.” Harry lifts up Louis’ head with his finger. “I love you okay? Don’t ever forget that.” Louis nods and curls himself farther into Harry’s chest. _He’s lying. You can’t trust him._

“I love you too. Can we go to bed?”

“Of course baby.” Harry kisses his head. “I’ll carry you.” _You’re going to break his arms if he tries._

“No that’s okay. I-I can walk.”

“Louis I know what you’re doing,” Harry says with the raise of a brow. “Look at me. Louis, look at me. You are perfect. You are the most beautiful, gorgeous boy I’ve ever seen. I don’t understand how you even find me attractive. Now I’m going to carry you up the stairs and you can’t stop me.” Harry lifts Louis’ with a yelp coming from the latter. He places him in the bed as if he’s made of glass. After stripping down to his boxers, Harry climbs in and pulls Louis into his chest.

“Love you baby. G’night,” Harry mumbles into his hair. A muffled “love you Haz” comes from his chest and he strokes Louis’ hair until the small man’s breathing slows down.

And then Harry starts to cry. Not a loud, snotty sob, just silent tears. He hates seeing Louis so down all the time. He knows that’s just who Louis is, but he can’t stand to see his sunshine without any light.

 

 

The next morning, Louis walks down the stairs, eyes half closed and hair everywhere, to the kitchen. He finds Harry in front of the stove, still without clothing, and hears the sound of bacon frying. Blanket still around him, Louis wraps his arms around Harry’s hips and breathes in his scent.

“Good morning baby,” Harry leans back into the touch. “Did you sleep alright?” Louis nods against his back. “Why don’t you go sit down and I’ll bring you your tea okay?” Louis nods again and trudges over to their small kitchen table.

“How long have you been up babe?” _How long ago did you leave me?_

“Not long,” Harry answers, setting a cup of tea in front of Louis. “I put a load of clothes in the washer and started on breakfast.” He kisses the top of Louis’ head and returned to the stove. When the eggs and bacon are done, Harry brings their plates over to the table. “Here you go baby.” They eat their breakfast in a slightly uncomfortable silence, just like every day. Louis gets up, puts his plate in the sink and walks to the stairs.

“I’m going to take a shower and get ready for work,” Louis calls behind his shoulder.  _Not that you care._ _N_ _ot that you ever cared._

“Okay baby, I’ll be down here when you get done. Love you.” _No he doesn’t, he’s lying to you._

Louis sighs deeply. “I love you too.” 

 

 

“Liam, I need your help, I desperately need your help.” Harry is down the block in the Malik-Payne residence. He’s sprawled out on their couch while Liam cleans around him. 

“I could use your help too Harry, my child is like a tornado,” Liam groans as he picks another crayon out of the house plant. 

“Louis’ birthday is _tomorrow_ and I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to get him. I don’t think he knows how I feel about him. I have an actual problem here.” 

“Harry, I’m sorry to break it to you, but other people have problems as well. I haven’t slept in 34 hours because my daughter is ill and needs to be taken care of at all times. I haven’t had sex in 3 months Harry, 3 whole months. We all have problems okay?” 

“Li-bear, stop being mean to ‘Arry!” Zayn calls from the other room. “I’m sorry, he’s a bit cranky,” Zayn walks in, cradling a sleepy looking Grace. “Why don’t you try going on a romantic date? That’s what we do to rekindle the flame.” 

“Please stop doing the lovey dovey gaze thing, it’s disgusting,” Harry groans, throwing a pillow over his face. “I’m not interested in your flame.” 

“Make him a nice dinner. Watch a cute movie. Walk around and look at Christmas lights. Cuddle by the fire. Have a snowball fight. Go dancing. Build a snowman. Something.” Zayn coos at his sleeping toddler. He’s such a sucker for her. 

“That’s it!” Harry suddenly sits up. He knows exactly how to show Louis how much he loves him. “Zayn! You’re a genius!” He jumps off the couch, grabs Zayn’s face and kisses his cheek. 

Liam can’t resist rolling his eyes. “Hey, hands off the hubby.” 

 

 

When Louis wakes up the next morning, the bed isn’t empty this time. In fact, Harry is wide awake, staring at Louis with his goofy, dimpled smile. Louis rubs his eyes and takes in the scene before him. A tray of heart-shaped pancakes and tea sits next to his boyfriend. 

“Good morning baby,” Harry smiles at him, eyes twinkling like jewels. “Do you feel older yet?” _He’s already asking if you feel like an old geezer, he thinks you’re ancient._ Louis shakes his head and grabs his cup of tea. “I’ve got a special surprise for you baby, I think you’ll love it.” 

“Thanks,” Louis smiles at him, tears in his eyes. “That’s really sweet babe.” Harry’s excitement is quite visible, he’s practically vibrating. “Is there anything I need to know while getting ready? Anything I need to dress for?” Louis asks with an eyebrow raise. 

A light blush crosses over Harry’s face, he’s quite horrible at keeping secrets. “Just be prepared to be outside for a while. Don’t want you to get sick baby.” He kisses Louis’ hair then leaves the room before he says anything else. Minutes later, Louis comes downstairs dressed in his puffy, red coat. 

Harry can’t help but laugh, he tries to cover his mouth but it doesn’t help. “Where did you even get that? How have I not seen that in our closet?” 

“I’ll have you know my mother bought me this. Are you insulting my mother?” Louis brings a hand to his chest. “How dare you!” 

“Come on you goofball,” Harry rolls his eyes, pulling on his coat as well. “We have a whole day ahead of us.” _A whole day of people staring at you, wondering why he is with you. Won’t that be fun?_

Louis shakes his head, clearing the nasty thoughts. He’s not going to let his demons ruin his birthday, it’s too important. 

When they arrive at the skating rink, Louis is like a little boy at the candy shop. “Harry! We’re going ice skating?!” He jumps onto his boyfriend and Harry carries them inside. 

“Two skates please,” Harry flashes a smile at the lady behind the counter. She blushes and hands Harry the skates. “Thank you. Louis get off so we can put our skates on.” Louis leaves a kiss on the side of Harry’s neck before climbing down. 

Louis soon learns that Harry on ice is like a baby animal learning how to walk. Louis can’t believe something so tall and majestic-looking can be so clumsy and useless. 

“Louis how do you do this?” Harry asks, clinging to Louis’ arm for support. “It’s impossible.” 

“Come on babe, I’ll show you.” Louis grabs Harry’s hands and starts skating backwards. “Stand up straight babe, you won’t stay balanced slouching like that.” Louis can’t help but laugh at the way Harry’s gangly legs seem to get in the way. “You’re hopeless!” 

“Hey,” Harry scrunches his eyebrows. “I think I’m getting the hang of this.” Just as he says that, he slips and almost falls. Louis has to hold him up. He blushes at the stares people are starting to give them. 

“I think we should go sit down before you hurt yourself.” Louis’ laugh is music to Harry’s ears, it’s been a while since he’s heard it. 

“But we’re having so much fun,” Harry whines as Louis leads him to a bench beside the rink. “I’m just getting warmed up. I promise I’ll do better.” _Does he just mean the skating or… other aspects of his life as well?_

“I think you need to quit while you’re ahead babe.” 

“I think you’re just jealous of my potential,” Harry beams and Louis’ heart melts. What did he ever do to deserve this dork? _You don’t deserve him, that’s the point._ “Well fine. We have a picnic to get to anyway.” 

“Picnic? In the middle of winter? Styles have you lost your mind?” 

“Quite possibly,” Harry grabs his boyfriend’s hands. “Come on!” 

Before he knows it, Louis is sitting in the middle of a field, freezing his arse off. The grass is frosty beneath their wool blanket and his thermos of tea isn’t helping. “Harold, you’ve officially gone insane. Why is my arse in a field?” 

“Because this is where we had our first date remember? I tried to be romantic and take you on a picnic-“ 

“And it started pouring down rain,” Louis laughs. “We ran back to your house and I met your family. It was so embarrassing, what a horrible first impression.” Louis balls up and puts his head in his lap. _They hate you and think you’re wrong for their son._

Harry laughs. “Oh shut up, you charmed the pants off my parents. You charm the pants off everyone you meet.” _You make them want to run away in disgust._

“Oh Harry, you’re a whole new level of charmer.” 

“Thank you. So, uh, I want to talk to you about something.” _This is it, he’s finally leaving you. Prepare yourself._ “Louis, we’ve been together for 3 years.” _But it was 3 years too long._ “And they’ve been the most amazing 3 years of my life.” _Liar. Just get it over with already._ Harry grabs Louis’ hand and looks him in the eye. Louis can see that their swimming with fear. “Louis, I’m in love with you, I’m deeply in love with you. Every single piece. I can’t imagine my life without you.” Harry pulls a small box out of the picnic basket. “And I don’t want to either.” He opens the box to reveal a shiny band. “Louis William Tomlinson, please do me the honor of becoming my husband?” 

Louis’ eyes bulge and his jaw drops open. He definitely wasn’t expecting this. “I.. I..” His heart is pounding in his chest and his mouth is going dry. _This isn’t actually happening, you’re dreaming this. Harry couldn’t possibly want to marry you. Have you seen yourself?_ “Stop it, stop it.” Louis rolls into the fetal position and starts rocking, tears rolling down his cheeks. 

“Louis? Louis baby what’s wrong?” Harry wraps Louis in his arms and pulls him into his lap. “Talk to me baby.” 

“You don’t really want me. Just admit it Harry. You’re too good for me.” Louis starts uncontrollably sobbing. “I’m worthless Harry, worthless.” 

“No baby you’ve got it all wrong. Nothing you just said is true, not a single word. Don’t listen to the voices in your head, they’re lying. Your brain is chemically imbalanced baby, you can’t trust these voices. Louis, I love you, I love you so much. I always have, and I always will. Do you understand baby?” 

“I love you Harry. I.. I can’t lose you.” 

Harry pulls Louis in tighter. “You can’t Louis. Never.” 

Louis sniffles and puts his new band on his fourth finger. “So what’s next on the list Haz?” 

“Well the boys are getting together and watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I told them we might stop by. I mean, if you’re up for it.” 

“That sounds perfect Haz.” 

And that’s how they spend Christmas Eve. Crammed onto an armchair in front of the roaring fireplace. Liam and Zayn are lying on the couch, a passed out toddler squished between them. With a blonde Irishman on the floor, eyes glued to the screen. 

“The Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day,” Niall quotes. 

“Horan are you crying?” Zayn laughs, lifting his head up from Liam’s shoulder. 

“No, I’ve just got something in my eye, this floor is very dusty you know.” The rest of the boys laugh but Harry can’t help but stare at Louis. 

“I love you.” Harry kisses the top of Louis’ head, then leaves his face there, breathing in the green apple scent. 

“I know. I love you too.” Now Harry is the one who’s crying. All he wanted was Louis to know how he felt, he couldn’t ask for anything more. “This was the best birthday ever. Thank you.” 

“I’d do anything for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. I wrote this from personal, everyday experiences. Please don't hate it.  
> Feel free to follow me on tumblr, sunshineandbambi


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